I have this friend, well ex-friend now…. First person of this type I have ever come across in my life, and I come across a lot of people.
Initial impressions were very good. Here was a woman who I got along with, was seemingly a good person, had her shit together and we had some really good times.
Some three years into the friendship I had to cut all ties with her. I believe she is suffering from Histrionic Personality Disorder. Of course I am no psychologist and she will never be diagnosed with this, as that is part of the disorder, not recognising there is anything wrong with your behaviour.
There are so many incidences of poor behaviour when I look back now and I have given myself a damn good talking to about ignoring the signs and getting sucked in to her world.
She has been separated for about 5 years now and has 3 children. The eldest of them no longer lives with her and rarely visits (he’s now 15). He instead lives full time with his father because he no longer wanted to be exposed to his Mother’s highly inappropriate behaviour and lack of morals. She has an obsession with men that is beyond compare. Her every waking breathing moment is all about finding the perfect man for her. A man who ticks all her boxes – yes she has several points that a man needs to meet to be worthy of her. She is addicted to online dating sites and by her own admission has been on over 300 dates from POF alone, often more than one in the same day, I know this to be fact. She truly believes that she is a great catch and honestly does not understand why men never hang around for her. She is convinced that if you don’t have sex for 4 or 5 days you lose your libido (more on this later…..), she is also of the opinion that she gives the best oral sex these men have ever had. 95% of the time, if the man is a ‘potential’ as she calls them, she will at least give them head and most times have sex with them because she believes that this is how you keep a man coming back. This can be in her car, at her house where she has met many men for the first time at her front door, sometimes with her children in the house, in the toilets at a venue (she admitted to giving a man a BJ in the male toilets after knowing him for 30 mins and while she was doing that his friends stole money out of her purse)
I need to point out that initially she does not come across as the slut she is. She constantly talks about being a respectable woman with morals and she won’t settle
This is a woman who leaves her children at home alone at night for a few hours at a time so she could go out and ‘socialise’. She only has her children with her for 3 or 4 days at a time on alternate weeks. She can’t even spend that small amount of time with them without having to get out. Her version of socialising is going out on the hunt for cock. She has a great need for attention and wants to be seen. Looking for her knight in shining armour, a man who has money to support her so she doesn’t have to work and can loll about all day having coffee with friends, hiring a cleaner, cook and personal trainer. This man will also be satisfied to sit at home when he is not working to await her presence. He will not be allowed to have his own life or interests, and going out with the boys to maintain his friendships is absolutely out of the question. She will be his entire world from now on, when she deigns to grace him with her presence after she is done with her socialising and telling everyone how fucking awesome she is and has a man who is besotted with her.
She rates herself very highly in her group. When you are out with her, she views herself as cream of the crop and the friends she is with at the time are just bystanders, no one will second glance them surely…… When this inevitably doesn’t go to her plan or liking (she’s average looking at best), the tantrums begin. She starts bitching about any man in the venue who is not paying attention to her and god forbid they are paying attention to some of her friends while she is ignored. She starts to pull out a few tired old cards of hers – Such as dancing on a podium or in the most attention gaining spot in the place. And believe me when I say her dancing style attracts all the wrong sort of attention, think stripper on an imaginary pole and imitating giving imaginary head jobs. Did I mention she is 47 years old?? Dresses like a 20 year old skank and wears gimmicky items like hats (omg the fucking hats…. :/) fishnets, crotchless undies, etc. This is just on a normal night out, not costume party or hens night. It extends to a simple coffee with the fucking hats. If you disagree with her negative comments towards any man in the place that hasn’t paid her attention you then get the silent treatment for a week. If she believes you have ‘cut her grass’ because a man who she had her eye on starts engaging with you instead of her, she will either accuse you of cutting her grass, start laying down rules about ‘pegging’ men when you walk into a venue and no one is allowed to speak to these men or cracks the shits and goes home.
On occasion when we have been chatting normally to a group of men, general nice conversation, she has pulled me aside and demanded to know who I am going to ‘go for’ and puts me under pressure to initiate immediately. I generally haven’t even got to that stage and not thinking along those lines yet. And I’m a little more traditional and will wait for cues from said man. She does this generally when men are perhaps showing more interest in me than her and basically says to me – If you’re not going to fuck this guy, I will. What she doesn’t understand is that it’s not her decision. If he is into you then he is and all good, if he’s not….it won’t happen. She is under the assumption that ALL men are immediately attracted to her and she just has to click her fingers and she will have them. It’s just so narcissistic and leaves me incredulous most of the time. She assumes that no man would perhaps prefer one of her friends over her…. and if she actually occasionally twigs that they do prefer one of her friends over her, she then starts picking fault with the man and saying not her type anyway, etc. etc. She has also said to me in the past, ‘It’s ok, I’ll back off on this one to give you a go.’ Can you believe that shit???
Since disassociating myself with her I have heard even more stuff about her that is just disgusting. Her reputation is terrible and I am so very glad I am no longer seen with her. She has had quite a few other friends drop off in the last few months also. We have all seen the light. And I can tell you that every one of us has such a sense of relief and a shedding of negativity once getting away from her. You just don’t see it when you are wrapped up in her extremely toxic world. A huge weight off my shoulders I can tell you and have been so positive and happy since because I am not being dragged down into the sewer of her life.
There is a lot more I could go into but this is just a brief overview of what has happened.
Do you have someone like this in your life? Maybe you do and haven’t recognised it yet. Or if you have gotten away from someone as toxic as this, you will understand where I’m coming from..